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Thursday, March 6, 2014

4 things marriage is not

      Eric and I have been married almost 10 months... So that means we can give marriage advice now, right? well, probably not. However, as I start of my wedding series I wanted to make sure that my readers knew that the relationship is more important than the party. So let's dive in.

1. Marriage is not a Status Symbol

Dear women, you are not in competition with all other women and getting married is not the prize. Marriage is a blessing, an achievement and I'm happy for you, but graduating is a blessing and an achievement. So is paying off student loans, buying a house, getting a dream job, going on a mission trip, learning a new skill...
The point is marry someone you love not because you're [insert age you want to be married by] or because your friends are all getting married. If you know a singleton please stop saying "so when are you going to get married?" (Also, if you know someone who's married without kids stop asking when they're going to have kids. Patience is a virtue, yo.)

You won't be better than anyone else because you're married. You should be better than your previous self, but talking about your marriage should come from a place of joy not a place of pride.

2. Marriage is not a Burden

Don't get me wrong, Marriage is hard. Just living with someone is hard. However, it should be like a good kind of hard that's worth it at the end of the day like playing your favorite sport. Star-crossed lovers is a crock of trash and if every single day is a battle, or you have physical or emotional scars from your partner they might not be marriage material.

The other side of this is your life is not over when you get married you can still travel, you can write, you can have a career. If you dream all of these things, they are realistic things for you, and your partner is standing in the way basically "because I said so" you might want to evaluate the relationship. Marriage is a different thing to each person so staying at home, having kids and baking pies isn't necessarily you life after marriage.

3. Marriage is not a Fix-All

One of the two best pieces of advice I've ever received is "the day after your wedding is the exact same as the day before your wedding" getting married fixes nothing. If your partner was a crazy spender, they will be after your wedding. It doesn't really change the relationship or either partner.

4. Your Marriage is not For Anyone but You and Your Partner

There will be something in the wedding or in your relationship that people will give you "advice" on. Do whatever you think is best. For us, a lot of people were shocked/upset about our last name. Some dealt with it healthily and some didn't. Everyone got over it. Had Eric or I gotten caught up in everyone else's emotions I might have been stuck with a name that I didn't like forever. With your relationship's big decisions (and hopefully most of them are bigger than your last name) you and your partner have to do what's right for you. No one else is living your life.
The Dedicated House

2 comments:

  1. Bevin!!!! You always have such level-headed insight. I am two months away from a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and I just want to put this post on a plaque in my future therapy waiting room. These are four big ones that many of us tend to confuse for something else we have heard or seen along the way. As a bride-to-be myself I also want to tape a copy of the post to the inside of my wedding organizer as a little reminder. This frame of mind does not happen over night. It takes work but the pay of is worth it, just like marriage.

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